Which Battle Is It?

*photo credit

I usually fight against it–
This bent of
Me and Mine.
Because really it’s–
Self-seeking.
Self-serving.
Self-focused.
Too much self in self-protection.
So I–
Wage war against the old ways,
Weeding out,
Wading through,
Wanting to–
Look out for others.

*photo credit

Because He did it,
That One who–
Emptied Himself,
Denied Himself,
Gave up Himself,
For me,
At His Cross.

*photo credit

But today I grapple with
The boundary-drawing-guilt.
What-motivation-built–
This fear of fencing in my needs?
I cringe to pen those words.
Too much my
Is what I’ve heard.
Is it guilt-from-Him seizing?
Or because I like the others-pleasing–
“Yes” ?
I’ve seen His strength provide,
When my heart to Him has cried–
I cannot.
A good place to stop.
My limits,
Him limitless.

But when I’ve written to the paper’s edge–
No margins left to hedge,
Crowded, illegible scribbles…
Is that what He sees within This whirl of din?

I want those growing-up-too-fast-kids to remember:
–a singing mama
–a smiling mama
–a slow-down-and-really-see mama.

So when things,
Or I…
Start the frantic-frazzled-frenzy–
When I’m living “Hurry! Hurry!”
Is it because I need more–
Room?
To find that less is best?
Or that I need more Him–
To find that He gives rest?

*photo credit

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Which battle am I in?
Trusting Him for strength?
Or in humanity, remembering–
The intentional, prayerful, pause,
Can please Him as He draws
My heart in sync with His.
Still wrestling with
This tension.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14411108733387081444 Jackie’s Adventures in the Ordinary

    Thank you for that. I want to live that way, too. I want to have time for the children who are not here, yet. Within a brief second, I will blink and grandchildren will arrive. I want to be the grandmother who is available and not easily distracted. I want to get there before they are here and old enough to notice all the things that can distract them from me.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03085814755648021148 Kari

    Oh me too! Hurry, stress, impatience. I want them OUT of my life!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13182607074543277164 Kara

    Oh Jackie…I’m so with ya.
    I want to learn this lesson quickly. It’s such a struggle for me to do the necessary but not by-pass the crucial.

    Kari–I always feel so connected with you! Thanks for the encouragement…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17128370942285542644 Sarah

    Kara, this has been my PRIMARY spiritual battle for the past 12+ months, and I (almost!) rejoice to hear that I am not alone in this… so feeling on the edge at times, snapping at kiddos, feeling empty physically and like I am no good to anyone anywhere…would love to pray for you when I am feeling the tension so that we can be bearing one another’s burdens…knowing that He will fill up what is lacking in our afflictions!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13182607074543277164 Kara

    Sarah…you are definitely not alone…I would guess that almost every mama walks this line. For me it’s trying to figure out if I need to better trust God with what He/I put on my plate or put less on my plate. I’m reading an excellent book on being intentional, which has me processing. Email me…I’d love to share it with you. And yes yes! Please pray that I would savor this time with the kiddos and be wise about the choices I make. If you have time, email me and let me know what I can pray for you!