Today She Would’ve Been Four

That’s what I woke up thinking this morning–
As the alarm-buzz jolted me to reality.
Those first years after she died, this day was so heavy,
Such a looming blanket of darkness…
That seemed to smother joy.

And I’m thinking of two in particular, as I write–
Who will face this Christmas in that new pain,
That fresh sting…
An empty hole where fullness once filled
A mama’s heart.

Yesterday was a strange day.
We awoke to both cars rifled through.
Nothing of value taken, but–
A Matthew 6 reminder…
Where thieves break in and steal.

A reminder from Him of forever.
And the assurance of eternal safety-security-protection…
Where treasures are stored up in Heaven.
And our treasured Selah is already there–
In Forever.

And on this day, that would’ve been her fourth birthday…
I thank Him for the time to
Pause and Value–
As her name suggests…
~ Selah ~

I thank Him for the little gifts that remind–
Her song played yesterday in church.
The sweet messages from friends and family…
Careful, tender fingerprints,
Of His love.

And I thank Him for the promise of Heaven…
That Selah’s life
And death,
Help me live holding tightly to the light of forever–
The hope of Heaven.

Because today she is four.
Not would’ve, but,
Is–
With Him, in Heaven,
Where every tear is wiped away and death shall be no more.

And tonight
We will remember…
Selah’s life.  The gift she was.
And her ongoing life,
With Him.

We will thank Him for Heaven.
For a joy that can’t be stolen.
For the tear-stained river
That leads to a pool of
Hope.

And we’ll remember Selah Noelle.
Selah– to pause and value
Noelle– Christmas.
The birth of Christ,
In this pause before Forever.

Living in light of eternity doesn’t remove my pain,
but it allows me to have hope in my moments of pain.
~Paul David Tripp
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  1. […] Christmas brings back so many memories for me… But one that will always fill this week is the anticipation of our daughter Selah’s birth. […]

  2. Impossible says:

    […] It’s impossible to pass through April 25th without thinking of Selah. […]

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Today She Would’ve Been Four

That’s what I woke up thinking this morning–
As the alarm-buzz jolted me to reality.
Those first years after she died, this day was so heavy,
Such a looming blanket of darkness…
That seemed to smother joy.

And I’m thinking of two in particular, as I write–
Who will face this Christmas in that new pain,
That fresh sting…
An empty hole where fullness once filled
A mama’s heart.

Yesterday was a strange day.
We awoke to both cars rifled through.
Nothing of value taken, but–
A Matthew 6 reminder…
Where thieves break in and steal.

A reminder from Him of forever.
And the assurance of eternal safety-security-protection…
Where treasures are stored up in Heaven.
And our treasured Selah is already there–
In Forever.

And on this day, that would’ve been her fourth birthday…
I thank Him for the time to
Pause and Value–
As her name suggests…
~ Selah ~

I thank Him for the little gifts that remind–
Her song played yesterday in church.
The sweet messages from friends and family…
Careful, tender fingerprints,
Of His love.

And I thank Him for the promise of Heaven…
That Selah’s life
And death,
Help me live holding tightly to the light of forever–
The hope of Heaven.

Because today she is four.
Not would’ve, but,
Is–
With Him, in Heaven,
Where every tear is wiped away and death shall be no more.

And tonight
We will remember…
Selah’s life.  The gift she was.
And her ongoing life,
With Him.

We will thank Him for Heaven.
For a joy that can’t be stolen.
For the tear-stained river
That leads to a pool of
Hope.

And we’ll remember Selah Noelle.
Selah– to pause and value
Noelle– Christmas.
The birth of Christ,
In this pause before Forever.

Living in light of eternity doesn’t remove my pain,
but it allows me to have hope in my moments of pain.
~Paul David Tripp
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Comments

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. May the Father of mercies comfort your grief and wipe away your tears in the way only He can.

  2. My heart goes out to you and your family. You have written a beautiful tribute to your little girl who lives on so brightly in your hearts on this side of forever.

  3. May God comfort you as you remember your beautiful child. So sorry for your loss.

  4. Julie Reed says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Sweet Selah touched and continues to impact so many lives. Blessings on you and your family. I love you, all.

    • Julie…I’ll always be so thankful for the way you contacted Randy when she died…and for how that led to his donating all the Heaven books for the memorial…that book is so special to us. So thankful for you…and also for your Becky…so thankful for her friendship. Tonight we’re going to look through Selah’s scrapbook…that only exists because Becks made it for me.

  5. That was such a beautiful post, I can’t imagine the pain, but I also felt the hope, and the picture at the top is simply breathtaking and shows the reality of where she is now, thank you for sharing your heart!

  6. HopeUnbroken says:

    oh, how i love this, sweet Kara! i imagine so many of our children, dancing and singing and praising. what a wonderful and sweet chorus it must be to Him. praying for you this day, as you give special memory to and hold that yearning in your heart for the day when you will meet again with your precious daughter.
    steph

    • Steph…so thankful for you…
      I actually just found your email this morning in my “spam” box…will write soon.
      But already have stopped to pray.
      So “get it”.
      Thankful for our online friendship…

  7. Carrie Dahl says:

    Happy Birthday, dear Selah. We look forward to meeting you again.

  8. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to her is achingly beautiful, and that picture at the top just fits it so well.

  9. Happy birthday, Selah! You will always be in our hearts! And your stocking photo has become a special part of our Christmas decorations!! Love you so much Kara!!

    • Always will be so thankful for the gift of those photos Stac…I have one large one that we printed and it always sits right by the fireplace during the Christmas season. Every year when I pull it out, I’m thankful for you!

  10. Amber Koren says:

    I was thinking about her yesterday…thinking about what she would look like…praying for you guys.

    • Thank you sweet friend. I haven’t commented yet on your little one’s birthday post, but I can’t help but think of Selah when I see her…remembering those early photos of the two of them together…so special to me.

  11. Aimee Sproul says:

    So touching! We send you all our love.

  12. This was a lovely post of faith and hope. Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem. We too had a Grandchild pass away 7 years ago; and I know we will see him again. I believe in Eternal Families.
    Blessings to you and sending you hugs and love!

  13. What a beautiful post. The picture is just breathtaking. I can only pray that my inadequate words can in some way convey the depth of emotion in my heart after reading the tribute to your precious little girl. May God’s love give you strength and comfort. Jesus is cradling your angel in His arms. What an amazing and incredible thought! I hope she gives Him a kiss for all of us. :-)

    Much, much, love and many prayers,
    Lisa

  14. Raising Mighty Arrows says:

    Kara, I’m so sorry for your loss, but am so thankful that we hope of seeing our dear friends and loved ones in a better land…where all tears will be wiped away. God bless you and your family during this time and always. :)

  15. what a beautiful post!! i saw in the BlogHer ad. you write so beautifully! i’m so incredibly sorry for your loss…. i cannot imagine the pain you’ve had to bear. but your faith is astounding and truly inspirational to me. thank you for sharing such a personal story to help inspire many others.

  16. Hugs to you, my friend. I can’t imagine your pain, but am praying for your always-there-ache…someday we’ll all be in eternity together. It makes me want heaven all the more. xo

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