Let me just start by saying– the book is incredible.
Worth reading…and you know me…I don’t recommend anything unless it’s something I would buy for you all if I could.
I had a whole post ready with all these amazing quotes that I thought would make you want to read Mary’s book.
And I want you to read it…
Because it’s so worth reading.
And then Julia.
Mary was on a mission trip to Haiti and when her daughter Julia was hospitalized–
“We wait until this morning to consult with the pediatric neurologist. She has had a constant, painful headache. And her body just doesn’t obey her right. I’m writing this from a darkened hospital room, eyes dry and bloodshot, heart heavy. I don’t write this to garner sympathy. The only reason I write this is to ask you to pray for us. Julia’s been scared, lots of tears, understandably so.”
And I realized in that moment…
That Mary was experiencing my–
That thing you hold on to…and are afraid to place in His hands.
That drawer that you don’t want to open because it still feels too scary to uncurl your fingers and in trust, place the precious contents into His.
What is your Everything?
What is it that you struggle to trust Him with?
It’s the safety of our children.
We’ve been down that road before and we’ve seen Him faithful.
And that gives me huge hope and curbs my fear whenever I imagine impending possibilities.
But it’s still a battle between worry and trust that wages on within me.
To think back and remember how it was in those days after our Selah died.
Those days when there was nothing else to cling to, but Him.
And He was enough.
Solid-rock-enough-ness that doesn’t even make sense when I think back on it.
So when I received Mary’s email…
Her daughter hospitalized, very sick, so many questions, no answers coming…it took me back to our wrestling days.
And I waited to see.
What would she do with Everything now?
Because for me, that’s where the paint is either tacky or fully cured.
When it moves past just words and hits that deep core place of reality…
When a one-so-loved is the fish and bread you’re asked to offer.
Mary’s prayer in the midst of the scary:
“I give You Julia. You love her far more than I do, and You know what’s wrong. I rest in Your sovereign timing of a diagnosis, and even if we never figure this out, I choose to praise you in this moment. But my mother’s heart is to know what is hurting her. Please, Jesus, show the doctors what in the world is wrong. Or just plain heal her.
…I give You me. Me who is beyond worried and tired and over it. I need rest. I need You. I need perspective. I need Your eyes upon me, Your grace holding my trembling hand, Your power overwhelming my weakness.”
And that is why I decided to change this post.
There is SO much good in this book, Everything.
It’s been one of the most impacting books of the year for me.
But I went a bit quiet and waited to see how she would respond in the midst of this request–
To trust God,
Even with the life of her child.
And it wasn’t that she pretended it was easy.
Actually, that’s one thing I really like about her.
But at the end of it all, even with more questions than answers lingering,
These were her words–
“And thanks to Jesus who helped us walk through it. There were times when I truly, fully LOST IT. In those time I felt entirely needy and small. And sometimes I felt ashamed for being so darn weak.
I realized just how frail and tentative my faith can be, how dependent I am on Jesus and not my own small strength. At one point, Julia and I were both crying. As I held her, I felt the deepest peace, even in the weeping. He broke through. He hangs out in hospital rooms. I’m grateful.” ~Mary DeMuth
And for me that’s where the words in this book take root–
When life hurts.
And fear is real.
And your heart is breaking.
When worry is banging on your door.
And you still are willing to uncurl your fingers because you know who He is.
You trust who God is.
And you know He is trust-able.
No pretense of pain erased.
But just a clinging to Him in the midst of the confusion and heartache.
Knowing that control,
Is really outside of our control,
But that there is safety and strength in leaning-in-close to Him and saying…
I trust you with my Everything.
Trust in Him at all times…
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
***If you’re considering purchasing Everything, you can find it here. It would make a great Christmas gift and I know it’d be a blessing to Mary, especially since all of this with Julie happened right during the release of the book and she wasn’t able to share as she normally would have.
And finally, here are a few downloadable-printable-freebies from Mary, for you…
*A special thanks to our Everything Launch Team and those who created the beautiful #Everything images.
*And a quick update from Mary. Julia attempted to go back to school this morning (10/22) but didn’t even make it through first period.
They are heading back to the doctors…please pray for answers and healing and strength.